sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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