If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
