I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
