Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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