Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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