i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I did not marry a roomba.
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