Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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