I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
