Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
