i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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