CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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