when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
