so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
