yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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