unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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