I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
