To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
