.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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