I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
