Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
