I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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