so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
