Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
