I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
