That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
