Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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