His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
