That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
