Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
