Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize