went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
