You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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