never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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