Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
