I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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