I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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