i need an iv and a liver transplant
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
