i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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