Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
