the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
