come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
