Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
