Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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