sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
