Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
