Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
