Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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