I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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