If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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