im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
