My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
