Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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