I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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