You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
