your thong is hanging out like whoa
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
