Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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