I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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