I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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