This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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