I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
