One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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