who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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