you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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