I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
