he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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