Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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