I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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