Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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