if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need moral support for this bender
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
