OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
