Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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