Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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